Dear Wicked Writers
by deeplyshallow
Summary: Dear Wicked Writers,  We have some important messages for you.  Sincerely the Wicked Crew


**Dear Wonderful readers,**

…**Moonlight was annoying me, I went onto writing something more serious (don't worry she'll make a sexy return far too soon), but I couldn't resist writing this. Based on the website dearblankpleaseblank(.)com but you don't need to see it to get it (but it's great procrastination material.**

**Love Dee**

**x**

**Dear person who gave me the link to this site yesterday (who will remain nameless),**

**I hate you.**

**Sincerely, Completely addicted**

**PS: I still expect you to review**

**x**

**Dear anyone who might be offended by any of these letters,**

**Seriously look how many times I've made fun of myself in this, in fact I challenge you to find a Wicked Writer who hasn't written many of the types of fics mentioned.**

**Sincerely, Sorry I can't resist**

**x**

**Dear People who want me to shut up so they can read the fic,**

**Fine, I'm shutting up, I'm shutting up.**

**Sincerely, Likes her long a/ns**

* * *

Dear Fiyeraba writers,

I don't know how you found out about Fiyero and my private life I would appreciate it if you stop telling people about it. Perverts.

Sincerely, Elphaba

x

Dear Fiyeraba writers,

I believe you may be under the influence of a delusification spell. Please seek help immediately.

Sincerely, Galinda

x

Dear Gelphie writers,

What?

Sincerely, Elphaba and Glinda

x

Dear Fiyeraba and Gelphie writers,

Keep up the good work!

All my love Fiyero xxx

x

Dear Flinda writers,

Where are you?

Sincerely, Glinda

x

Dear male slash writers,

Become more productive!

Sincerely, Crope and Tibbett

x

Dear male slash wicked writers,

…What the Foq?

Sincerely, Fiyero, Boq and Avaric

x

Dear Schwartz and Holzman

Well maybe we think you're not important enough to write about either.

Sincerely, Liir, Sarima, Crope and Tibbett

x

Dear Schwartz and Holzman

Can you please wait until after I'm born to kill my mother?

Sincerely, Shell

x

Dear Wicked writers,

Thanks for making me realise I can be both a serial murderer and rapist and also a better love interest for Elphaba than Fiyero.

Sincerely, Avaric

x

Dear Elphric writers,

Never in Oz or any other world.

Sincerely, Elphaba

x

Dear Elphric writers,

…that's kinda hot actually.

Sincerely, Avaric

x

Dear Bessa writers,

Write more, please!

Sincerely, Nessa

x

Dear Bessa writers,

Freaks.

Sincerely, Boq

x

Dear Gloq writers,

What are you talking about? Boq and I are destined for each other!

Sincerely, Nessa

x

Dear Gloq writers,

Write more, please!

Sincerely, Boq

x

Dear Gloq writers,

Freaks.

Sincerely, Glinda

x

Dear Fiyessa writers,

…We're in one scene together. Where we don't speak to each other.

Sincerely, Fiyero and Nessa

x

Dear Writers,

Do old people and goats not deserve any love?

Sincerely, Morrible, Dr Dillamond and the Wizard

x

Dear Authors who are convinced Elphaba is scarred for life until she meets her sexy boy/girlfriend,

Yes I preferred Nessa to Elphaba but that doesn't mean I tried to kill her multiple times and why does Melena always get to be the nice one?

Sincerely, Frex

x

Dear L. Frank Baum,

I would appreciate it if you stopped spreading negative propaganda about me.

Sincerely, Elphaba

PS: you also appear to have stolen my name.

x

Dear Smut writers,

Seriously I'm going to find out how you're spying on us and then calling the police.

Sincerely, Elphaba

x

Dear Smut writers,

If you ever get bored of Fiyeraba and Gelphie…

Sincerely, Avaric

x

Dear Anyone who calls me a annoying bratty murderer,

You're just jealous that 'The Wizard of Oz' is still more popular.

Sincerely, Dorothy

x

Dear Directors of the MGM movie,

Please stop insinuating that something went on between Dorothy and the Scarecrow.

Sincerely, Elphaba

x

Dear Angst authors,

You know we really don't appreciate being depressed and dying in various creative and uncreative ways.

Sincerely, the entire damn Wicked Crew

x

Dear Crossover authors,

…because we really don't have enough to deal with in Oz do we?

Sincerely the Wicked Crew, Harry Potter, Edward, Marius, Mark and everyone else

x

Dear Humour authors,

The musical contains death, racism, infidelity, murder and many other disturbing themes. The book… we're not even going into the book. This is why we appreciate you laughing at our lives.

Sincerely the unamused Wicked Crew

x

Dear Song Fic authors,

Just because it's a musical doesn't mean we spend our free time singing trashy pop songs

Sincerely, the entire Wicked Crew… except Fiyero

x

Dear Authors of Dead Fics,

Update. How would you like to be left frozen for the rest of time?

Sincerely, the Wicked Crew

x

Dear Authors,

Stop using us and our bodies for your own gain.

Sincerely, the Wicked Crew

**

* * *

**

**Dear Future reviewers,**

**I love you.**

**Sincerely, Review Whore :p**


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